When Monday Happens
Who else makes a million promises to Monday? Ya feel me? Anybody? Don’t leave me hangin’ here! Well, if you do, it might go a little something like this...
“Hey Monday, guess what we’re gonna do?! I've got big plans for you. Don't stop me if you've heard this before. We are going to wake up early, with a smile and ease of course, and seize the quiet morning. The children will sleep and we will yoga. We will be full of gratitude and be nice and centered. We will mother like no other, balancing it all like a champ... still full of gratitude of course. We will be full of patience and forgiveness and motivation and intention. We will drink more water, eat the right food, and tackle that To Do list with some fierce skill. Our self-talk will be better today. Our eyeliner will arch to perfection. The house will have less piles of laundry and more creative space. We will be full of beautiful words and possibly write a book today. It's really going to just be life changing today, you and me."
But then Monday actually happens and it goes a little more like this...
Since you were up too late procrastinating on those piles laundry or neck deep in denial that the weekend had come and gone, you totally overslept. Or the toddler in your bed who should be sleeping in his own bed but likes your bed too much, just spent the entire night kicking you and head butting you off your shared side of the bed. You actually have a headache because you didn't drink any water all weekend and spent way too much time scrolling on your phone. The piles of laundry you fell asleep on in the living room are still waiting for you on Monday and no one actually rolled out your yoga mat for you. You feel guilty because the weekend To Do list looks about the same as you left it on Friday. Not only do you not feel creative or inspired, you barely feel human or adultish or centered. I'll spare you the other details of how that typical Monday morning might lead on... you know where you refereed some intense sibling debate matches, had some sort of a meltdown over the choice of toddler underwear (you, not the toddler), and lost count of how many Qtips it took to re-line that aged eye.
I sure thought we had a deal Monday!!! But, you insist on testing me when I'm just hanging on by one transitional thread. I was just getting used to dirty hair, pjs, and Christmas movie marathons...
I don't know if there is a way to escape the romancing of our minds. I think we want to save ourselves from that unnecessary guilt we ride on, so if we dare to indulge on life, we promise to be better in the morning... or on Monday, or next year. But what I am figuring out is that perfectionism and expectation are tag teaming us in the worst way. Because at the end of the day you promised would be so much better, you have now been reduced to the version of a toddler with a blanket in the dryer.
And then I realized that maybe Monday isn't the meanie... maybe I am.
As hard as the balancing act of motherhood is, it's got nothing on the balancing act that I have going on inside me. I set expectations for myself that I wouldn't put on my worst enemy, so why would I do that to my hopes and dreams? So before we just throw in the towel (that I neglected to fold last night) or curl back up under our blankets (in my wildest dreams!) I wanted to share something with you that has been working for me lately.
I don't think I'm ever going to ditch lady perfectionism. She's been catching a free ride from me for a long time and there is something about her that I have come to accept, but she sure isn't steering my ship anymore! I thought that being a better person meant getting rid of all the unpleasant attributes, but instead I think it is just accepting them and giving them a hug. They are all suffering from middle child syndrome and want some play time too! First thing is first, have some grace towards yourself. Did you know that you really are amazing just as you are right now?!! Why is it so much easier to say that to our child, or spouse, or friend than it is to say to ourselves? So say it. Say it out loud. Say it with a song in the shower. Say it with a forgiving laugh when you just lost your shit over toddler underwear. Say it when you quiet that nagging voice that just wants to harp on you for everything you should be doing better. You'll never be able to please her!!
After you've done that carve out a little time to set some goals for the week. Not next Monday, not a year from now... just this week. And I'm not talking about groceries and laundry, I'm talking about intentional things that you want to put into your life that you've only been talking about. Maybe it listing a few books you want to buy or checkout at the library that you keep hearing about. Maybe it is starting a vision board or writing your first blog post. Maybe it is just buying a binder at the store to organize all of the madness in your brain onto paper. I have started doing this every Monday with open bullets so that I can check them off as I go. I have set the To Dos to be very tangible and easy to check off. I even put tasks on there that I have already completed just so I can have the satisfaction of checking them off again. I give myself small rewards for reaching my goals and I am working on giving myself some grace when I don't. But what I am doing now that I have never done before is putting myself on the list. I am making space for my hopes and dreams and personal growth along with the rest of my life, but I am choosing not to punish myself with them.
Personal growth is a journey. Happiness is not a destination. It is always a work in progress, and it is never perfect. I hope that you continue to visualize yourself immersed in your hopes and dreams, let go of the expectations of how that should look in reality, let your heart flutter with the anticipation of what could be along with what is right in front of you, and never forget how amazing you are right now!
xxoo Danielle
